"The Carnal Praying Mat" is the most famous of the
three erotic novels written more than 400 years ago
It was banned for its erotic depiction
In the Yuen Dynasty, there lived a monk,
who always carried a sack with him
and was thus called "the Sack Monk"
He's known for his profound knowledge in Buddhist philosophy
A young and lecherous scholar Mei Yeung Sheng
went to see the Sack Monk,
because he thought the Buddhist teachings of abstention
from sex is opposed to human nature
A heated argument started between the two men and
they parted unhappily in the end
You should care about...
your next life as well as this one
You enjoy flirting with other people's wives and daughters
But how about if your wife was being flirted with?
What one does to others must be avenged
I thought such a famous monk as you
must have extraordinary ideas in this matter
I am disappointed by what you just said
If what one does to others must be avenged, let me ask you:
A man with no wife or daughter,
how is he to be punished
Also, a man with a wife and two daughters
goes to bed with hundreds of women,
though his wives and daughters suffer assaught by other men,
he still benefits from it all
The bride and the bridegroom knwtow to the bride's father
The bridegroom offers tea to his lordship
We must play games with the bride
Congratulation to the bride
Dring it, cheers
Let's go out side
Out!
Do you know why I'm called Master Iron Doors?
I'm very strict with my family,
I guard them against lechery
I appreciate your knowledge, so I marry my daughter to you
From now on you can travel
or assume official duties without any worries
Our master married your daughter exactly for this reason
He knew you would keep our daughter harnessed
so he won't get avenged for what he did to women
Sex is the most pleasurable thing
Of course it hurts a little the first time
But I'll take it easy
and make you happy in no time
Husband,
I think sex is the dirtiest thing
But I won't avoid it
because it was laid down in the ancient laws
I know it hurts and I pray you hurry up,
so I won't suffer too long
Later you put...
some of this anaethestics on me
This is pain killer
After we finish having sex, give me some
Please come
Hurry up, Husband. What are you up to?
Not yet! Don't rush me
Why? Just put it in
Alright, alright
Ouch! That hurts!
Why did you kick me!
It really hurts Give me the pain killer, Quick!
I have not yet finished
I have done my duties now that I did it
Who cares whether you have finished or not
You foolish girl I have seen no blood yet
Who said there's no blood It's all over the place on the floor!
Why is there so much blood?
Why's there so much blood on my ring?
Your ring? It pierced your prick That's why
Blood! I am going to faint
My painkiller
Give it to me. It tastes terrible
I told you it's a dirty thing to do
We'd better not do it
It's the authentic painting by Chao Meng Fu
We ought to purity ourselves before looking at it
Oh, it's ugly. How could Master Chao have painted such a thing
You fool. This is according to the teachings to the sages
Why can't we paint
process of reproduction?
Don't
Why, don't pretend you don't like it
A few months age you said you're afraid of doing it
Last night you held me tight and kept saying: sweetheart,
give it to me, give it to me
and please come, please come!
Don't laugh at me!
No!
Bravo! Bravo!
So you are the famous Flying Thief...
Choi Kun Lun
That's me. I'm a righteous man
I don't steal from the poor
I don't steal from a family with a funeral on
I don't steal from a family having a banquet
I don't steal from someone I've stolen before
I don't steal from a friend
That's why so many people came to make friends with me
They all flatter me and now
it's difficult to find
a target to steal from
Since we get along with each other so well
Let me be frank with you,
I told my friend-in-law
I have come to study
But in fact what I'm after are women
Can you help me...
find women?
Damn! I'm late. I must dash
Hey, I want to come with you
This guy is kind of weird
I wonder if he's pinched your purse
Has it all gone?
No, but they all turned into stones!
There is something good
That one has a big breast, hasn't she?
That's wonderful. Keep it up
Lady...
Master, are you alright?
Lady...you dropped a book
Not mine Take a closer look
You beast!
I've come to return the money to you,
with 10% interest
Hey, Choi...
Dai, since you can enter a house with no effort,
please help me find beauties,
help me enter their chambers
If you can really help me fulfil my wish
I will repay you with a large sum
It is risky to go after a man's wife
If you only manage to get it once or twice
And the woman then dumps you,
it's not worth the effort
With my looks and talents I'm sure they'll admire me!
Now, if you really want me to help,
you must be frank me How long is your prick?
So so
When you fuck a woman,
can you last an incense's time?
No problem!
Well, I put some aphrodisiao oil on
Now, there's a silk shop in the west end of the town
The wife of the shopkeeper is there
Go and take a look
Only looking?
Possibly some actions too
Good
What's that noise just now? What's up?
I tripped and fell
Did you damage the cloth?
No...
Really?
Eat now
Why is there no fish tonight?
There's no fish in the market
You couldn't buy a fish in the whole market?
There's no fish that you like in the market
You must listen before you open your mouth to speak
Now, listen carefully before you answer me
Did you damage the cloth when you fell down just now?
Yes
So you did! You deserve a good smack
I didn't say I won't do it
I only want to eat before doing it
Finish eating?
Just finished. Thanks
Come over!
Quick!
Hey! What's up? Choi!
Have you seen it?
Her husband could last for three incense's time
And you...
you can only last for half an incense's time
His prick is so big, and yours
despite what you said, is only so small
It's only fit for picking teeth
This is for your self-conceit,
chasing after other man's wife without real abilities
This for your foolishness
You know I don't steal women,
yet you want me to find women for you
What do you think I am? What have you got to say now?
Yes...You're right in sleeping me
but I still want you to help me find beauties
If your prick is as long as a horse prick,
I'll help you
Choi
Husband, we've been separated for about a month
I've been feeling so lonely and sad
Without your kissing, hugging and fucking
I feel like millions of ants biting my private part
Do you know with what kind of water was this letter written?
It was written with ink and the secretion from my cunt
Fetch me the knife! Fetch it!
Why give me much a small prick? Why not a couple more inches
You dammed God!
You gave me such talents and looks,
Why economize on the most vital part? Are you playing on me?
OK, you want to play? You bet I'll cut you out
Please don't, Master, don't!
Go away!
Blood! Oh God!
Has it come off?
Not completely...Why?
Why what?
Why yours is bigger than mine?
Why?
I don't know. You'd better ask my mother
Master! No, don't!
What happened?
See it for yourself!
Doctor lp on vacation. Clinic closed
Damned! I'm damned!
I'm damned!
Specialized in joining broken limbs
Master Tin Chan resides here and is ready to help the desperate
My good fellow I am here to see Master Tin Chan
Please...
No need to say any more
The wound is caused by a blunt knife
It's now two incense's time
The arteries are OK, but the veins are broken
but I can cure you now
You'll recover completely in 15 days
The fee is 20 leuns
Surgeon, I haven't seen anything like this in my life
My art goes back for seven generations
My father got hold of the manuel
written by Master Hua Tuo
That's how he learnt
all the art...
of surgery
After studying with my father for a while
my interest changed to transplanting limbs,
especially the sexual organ
Just think, if I can transplant an animal's sexual organ to a man's body
making him a real man again
I'll become rich and famous
Have you succeeded?
I have mastered the basic techniques
Please operate on me Give me a dog's prick
OK
Shut up!
I'm not speaking to you!
You're very small, I'm not interested in you
An elephant's is more like it
An elephant! Isn't it too big?
It's like having three legs, how can I go out?
Yes, a horse's prick
Choi Kun Lun said if my prick is as long as a horse's,
he'll help me
Please put a horse's prick on me
Oh, I forgot I am a scholar, how can I use such words
Sorry, doctor
You must hurry if you ready want a horse's prick
because I'll go home two days later You can't do it then
Master Mei, please offer some incense
I pray thee, Master Hua Tuo,
let my operation be a success without any mishaps
Alright, please undress!
The moon is bright tonight It's best if it rains
It's the fourth gong now. Let's start
Why wait till it's the fourth gong?
An animal or a man's organ is most excited
at the time
when the cocks begin to crow
If the transplant operation is done at this time,
the effect will be best
A horse will get excited when it sees red
Get it up!
This is Ma Fei soup, a kind of anaesthetics
Drink it and you feel nothing...
in your lower limbs
Young chap, get some wine for the horse
I said get some wine for the horse, Go!
Why doesn't the horse take Ma Fei soup?
Because the horse repels...
Ma Fei soup
So I have to use wine as anaesthetics for the horse
Right, leave one gulp
Doctor, what's that?
This is what I read in western books
This is a guillotine...
for cutting off people's heads
I made a miniature one for operation use
I spent a lot on it
I'll try it on you, See!
It shrinks!
Hey, don't panic
I'm not panicking I just saw a big mouse
I'm most afraid of mice
You're afraid of mice I'm afraid of the rain
Why?
When I was a child
I saw on a rainy night
my mother being raped and killed
Ever since, I get very emotional on rainy nights
especially when there is thunderbolt
Doctor!
It's almost dawn!
Help me hold the bottle and
put it over there
We'll start to operate before the first incense goes off
If we're late then there's no point in operating
How about the second incense?
The whole operation must finish before that one goes off
Don't pull such a long face
Cheer up, and relax
I already feel very relaxed!
Then we're bound to succeed Let's start!
Smile, I'm going to cut you off!
I have stopped the bleeding
It's all finished?
All finished, Does it hurts?
No
You useless rascal!
Get up...coward!
What?
Nothing
You playing with it?
Nothing. Go on
Gosh! He's still sober after downing the pot of wine!
Rascal! He surely can drink
Shit! Time is running out The horse is not yet drunk
It won't do!
Now, let's put yours back onto you first
So, shall we do the proper thing later?
No,
you can only do it once
Then I won't
I warn you. Time is running out
If you don't put it back on, the wound will kill you
Doggie, doggie, don't carry it away!
Doggie!
Hey, you dog, give it back to me
Don't carry it away
Doggie, I want my prick back...
No, give him back his prick...
So, give it back to me...
Don't panic, I've found it for you
But there's only a little bit left
What we can do...
is to cut the boy's bird for you
How about me? What am I going to do?
You'll be eunuch. Fool!
What! Are you kidding?
Am I not a human being?
Don't I have my human rights?
Who told you to be a page boy? Why are you born so poor
Who are you to talk...
about human rights?
Doesn't it include the right of not being cut off one's prick
No!
Give it to me!
No!
Don't run! You rascal!
No! Mine is very small!
Give me a hand, quick! Catch it with the pail
Ready...
Doctor! Doctor!
Rascal! Get up, rascal
Get to work, son
Let me help you
Oh! What now?
Why?
It can't move
I broke the jar of Ma Fei soup
It poured over your hand
Quick. Get the jar of Gum Cho Get the pail too
Pour them all
How's it now?
No reaction
Can't move
It won't do if it can't move
It can't move
How long does it take to work
Half an incense the soonest The incense is almost finished
It's finished!
It's the will of God
Doctor, your hand can move now!
Master, master, he can move his hand again!
What are you doing? Don't hold on to my master
Let go!
What's the wine? It tastes good
It stops. The rain stops What are you waiting for?
Now, you can only do it after a hundred days
If you break the rule, you'll be impotent
Old chap!
You sent your page boy for me,
and said you want to avenge on me by fighting me
You take my sword
I'll fight you with barehands
I said those things only to incite you to come
In fact I want to thank you
Are you kidding?
No. You are a man of your words, right?
Right. I always keep my words
Good old chap Last time you taught me a lesson
What did you say at the end?
I said I'll beat you up whenever I see you
No!
Any tips?
It's to do with a horse
Tips for horse racing?
No!
A horse's prick! I remember now Have you got it?
Boy, the gong!
Fuck you! You tied a big rod on to fool me?
It does look like a horse's prick It's a fake
It must be a fake. It's impossible
It's the real thing!
There's a scar there And the colour is different
I wonder how you put it on
You have a discerning eye, old chap
This is a real horse prick
I met a magical surgeon, who put it on for me
I admire you courage
You deserve be my buddy
Quickly, get it up
No problem
Boy, give me a hand!
Boy, use your mouth!
It's a soft thing
Fuck! After all this effort, Buddy
I can't help you now
Can't move an inch, it's useless!
Boy, leave it. Don't waste your saliva
Well, I think you'd better out it off
before it gets rotten
Otherwise the poison will get to your heart
That I can help. Let's do it
Ready?
Not yet!
Don't stop waving your sword
Hey, are you playing games with me?
No, I feel something. Don't stop
You get excited when I wave my sword?
Yes, yes
OK. Let's try
It works! It works!
Go on...Go on play out the whole thing!
How come my Master never told me...
the whole secret?
Master, what can I do for you?
I'd like to get some white silk
Have you got some?
Yes, please take a seat
Why, this silk seems not so white
It can't be Our silk is the most white in the trade
Because your hand is so white,
the silk seems yellow
In fact, everything has to match with something else
With your stunning beauty
You must marry someone...
with the talents and looks of man
and someone as gentle as I am, then it's a perfect man
If you marry a guy as dark as an ox
Always scolds you and beats you up, and keeps you hungry
leaves all the hard work to you,
so that your fingers are all broken
In that case...
it's just like putting a flower on cowshit
Just like...
you've married this vulgar husband of yours now
You scoundrel!
I'll come to see you some other time, my beauty!
Don't run!
Are you blind! Asshole!
You hurt my foot and you're talking to me like this!
Do you own the street?
Sorry, buddy. It's my fault, I'm blind
I hurt your foot. It's my fault!
Piss off!
I'll be away from home for 10 days
If I find you seeing other men I'll wring your head off
I can set my heart at ease
Come in
No, don't...
I can't help thinking of you after seeing you
I am sorry that you were hurt by the vulgar man
I am sending you
some medicine for your wound
I will bring wine and
food to see you tonight
to tell you my love for you
and everything else. Yours
Please be considerate I can't take my mind off you
Master, I'm a good woman
I'm not easy going
I brought...
some wine and food
I just want to have a chat with you That's all
No! I can't! No!
What a coincidence! I don't believe you
See it for yourself
The key is with my husband
This is...
my buddy Choi Kun Lun
He's well known for opening locks
Take some, master. It's delicious
Put it down
You help this lecherous scholar to chase after my wife
You humiliated me
People laugh at me everywhere
Choi, I can't fight you
But I'm also a human being
Don't go too far
I've brought my relatives and friends
The matter must be settled today
OK, you have it
You ask that wretched scholar to chip in 100 luen
then my wife goes to him
And I'll go as far as I can
If you don't help me
you better kill me
Are you kidding?
I go to the capital shortly to take up my new post
I can't take leave to come back in a year's time
If you serve for Majesty, I have no complaint
I am afraid you frequently visit the brothels
Am I that bad?
Sure You brought back syphillis last time?
You even said no problem
You thought I am an idiot
This is made from big's gut I specially made it for you
When you have fun with the prostitutes, wear it
Don't bring back syphillis I won't forgive you
The size does not fit me
I have it tailor made for you
according to your size
It won't bend like that
Mistress I know you are loved by both sexes
I don't know
how can your husband make you happy
is it because his cock can bend
Beat me!
What have your cock been piercing?
I've been painting
Really? Painting in a crawling position
It is all in a mess What the hell are you painting?
It's secretion from my cunt
No. It's ink painting
Ink painting?
What are you doing so mysteriously,
even closing the window
Erotic painting
You wretched fool
You remember what I taught you when you are young
You look at those paintings and
write those dispicable things
Master
You want to die young? Where have you been?
I went to look for Wong Chut and bring him to see Mistress
Really?
Master
Call her Mistress the Eldest
Mistress the Eldest
This is Wong Chut He sold himself to us as a gardener
This is the inner chamber You are not allowed come in
If you do, I'll have you locked by the police. Understand?
Yes. Master
Go to work now
Yes
Kneel down
Don't stand up
until you have memorized the required sections
It's you
Why didn't you tell me Mistress has become so debased
Show me your hand! That one
Kneel down with her. That's a punishment
Wife
What's up?
Wife, your cousin has arrived She insists on coming in
I failed to stop her
Hide yourself
Where should I hide?
Take off the calligraphic work
Be quick
You haven't visit me for a long time
Your husband has been away for a month Aren't you lonely
Why is the calligraphic work placed on the bed?
I am going to expose it under the sun
Well, the case must be empty
I've put some stones inside
Cousin, haven't we agreed that we are on the same boat
Yes
If you have something good,
is it better to share with me?
Sure
Have you recently made a new friend who got something big
No. I don't know what you mean
That guy left last night
You come too late
What kind of stuff is this?
Why is this still so warm if he left last night
Young master, I am waiting on you
Where am I?
This house is linked with the next one owed by Shui Chu
Our Lord is called Fa Sun,
the cousin of Shui Chu
Her husband died since she married into the family for two years
Rumour-mongers said our young Master live a sensuous life,
and he died for having too much sex with her. That's untrue
As the daughter knew more about life,
and as her husband was always away from home studying
her loneliness was unbearable
She had an affair with Wong Chut and became pregnant
She was now expecting a baby
The daughter felt ashamed to see the father
Therefore, she fled with Wong Chut
But she pray to Haaven every night,
hoping that her father could live a long life
Your unfilial daughter kowtows in tears
This bowl of tea can cool off the summer heat
I've asked...
somebody to carry you in an sedan
Please be careful I will be shaken to death
What do you waant? Where is Brother Chut?
Brother Chut? Brother Chut? Help me
Help! Brother Chut
Where are you, Brother Chut?
Let me go
Who are you? What do you want?
I am the Mistress Ku well known in the capital
You parents have sold you to our brothels
This is the deed for the transaction
Don't shake
I am pregnant. Don't shake
We do it on purpose
The bowl of herbal medicine given to you by your husband
was the most effective medicine for abortion
They massage you like that
It is to help you to abort
No. Help me. Let me go
Your Majesty, the rebels are pursuing us
When the tyrannous Emperor Mei Yeung Sheng was in reign,
he raped women and massacred common folks
I now got Heaven's mandate and set up a new dynasty
I order that the tyrannous Emperor be sentenced
Persecutions and rapes will be gone for ever
Is that so? Are you really so crazy?
You cut off the penis of this mare's husband...
for your own use
Now this widow is coming back to look for her husband
No. Help!
You have to practise on two points
and four locations
First, it is to write with the private part
Whether they are big or small characters
they all look like being written by hands
This can train the strength of the private part,
and also the strength of the waist
Second, it is the training of the tongue
When you practise, you have to take pains
If your tongue can tolerate the bitterness of the shake's bile
then you can overcome
all kinds of odour of the human body
During the bitter process
your abdomen will naturally contract
This is a way to train the abdomen
After training your private part, the waist, tongue and abdomen,
you can help the impotent...
to feel like king again
If you have this skill of yin-yang complementarity,
you will be the Number One prostitute of the captial
Young Master, watch out for the steps
I notice that
I am not yet blind
Young Master, be careful
Those two women over there asked me to give you this
My husband suddenly comes back from the capital
All of a sudden, he bid farewell to the Emperor
Day and night, he misses the body of the Emperor
He cannot sleep well and has lost a lot of weight
My husband said there is a famous doctor in the capital
He is known by the name "Doctor who can mend the sky"
He can turn an impotant man into normal one
I hope the doctor can fix the Emperor's dragon cock
Whenever my husband was in the capital,
he can get high
Some exciting entertainments are now lining up for you
Your honey, Shui
It's not a bad idea to go to the capital
Why don't you, Brother Choi, come with me
I can't go
"Iron Hand" is in the capital
The special mission of this "iron hand" is to catch me
I must stay here to fight with him to death
What does that sign post say?
Young Master, it reads "Chamber of Revolving Heaven"
Young Master Choi, please come in
Take your time
The doctor has arrived
This is Young Master Choi from Hoi Fung
How are you, Young Master Choi?
Fine! How about you, Doctor?
Let's help you take off the clothes and check your body
Such a big size! He won't be my husband
What's the result. Doctor Can that be cured?
Young Master is born with a good physique
Unfortunately, he has too much sex recently
He is now very weak sexually
Let me rejuvenate you, by medicine
You'll get better soon
The voice sounds like my wife's
Why not
Young Master has something very extraordinary
He cock seemed to get hardened just now
He almost made it
To be frank
If Doctor tries it again,
I guarantee his cock get fired up
Why wear something red on the head?
Honestly, this stick of mine is jointed
Originally...
Originally, that was very small. Right?
How do you know?
It is only a guess
It's really you
When I fondled your breast just now, I was suspicious
because all over the world,
only my wife has a slim body
and yet possesses a pair of breasts as big as water-melons
You cheapy-cheapy! I taught you how to make love
You bring with you the techiques
I taught you to the brothels
No...
Don't go away!
Don't go away
Young Master
Despicable woman. Come out!
PLease don't
Come out on your knees
I will report to the police and let them strip off your clothes
And parade you and drown you
I'll make this known...
in your home town
Who are you?
You dare to make troubles here
Do you know the Army Commander is my customer
She is my wife
I'll sue you for abducting young woman into brothels
Get out of here
Chau-yin, Chau-yin, don't be afraid
Mistress Ku
Break the door
Chau-yin, Chau-yin Why are you that crazy?
Get me a stool. Put her down
She's strangled to death
You should die
Great Master. I know I am wrong
I know scores will finally be settled
Disciple Choi Kun-Lun commited a lot of crimes
In the duel, my hands were chopped off by the policeman
From now on, I cannot stand upright here
Great Master, I know I am wrong
My stupid child. You are back now
l, your disciple, hope you will retain me
O.K. Tomorrow I will shave your head and call you "Unrepenting Stone"
l, your disciple, beg you will retain me also
O.K. You two go to meditate against the wall
Call "Bitter Dream" to come out
Bitter Dream, have you get settled down?
Master, whenever I close my eyes
I will see I am forcing Huk-yeung to take abortion
And running towards me, she will have me to pay back her life
Unrepenting Stone, come back
You see who these two people are?
What you did in the past will have an effect on the future
What you are doing today will have an effect on the future
Love, hatred and revenges will form an endless cycle
You have to get away from this Sea of Agony. Understand?